I met a guy four years after I left my husband, told him about my status and he thought I was lying because of my appearance. In the first few months of us dating he told me that his ex-girlfriend once told him she was positive and that he must also do the test. He never tested, he was in denial, big time. When I met him I was an HIV/AIDS activist at the Treatment Action Campaign (TAC), but I had to stop because he threatened to leave me if I don’t stop working for TAC. Because I love him, I stopped.
I fell pregnant, and that hit my mum very hard because she thought I was gonna die as most people who were living with HIV were dying back then. I had to re-assure her that I wasn’t going anywhere. In 2005 August I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. In 2006 I lost my baby daddy to AIDS related illnesses because he was in denial. I still get emotional when I think about him and blame myself for his death. I should have been stronger, wiser and should have done something to help him accept his status and start taking antiretroviral treatment. After him I told myself I will never compromise myself for a guy, if you love me then you must know I’m living openly with HIV.
In my journey with HIV I have experienced a lot of rejection from guys because most guys run away from you the minute you disclose. I ended-up using my status as a weapon to chase guys away. Life went on and in 2008 I met a guy who also was HIV positive. I won’t portray myself as a saint, we were part-timing protection and I fell pregnant again, gave birth to a healthy boy in 2009. But I broke-up with the guy in 2010 because he was a womaniser.
I dated on and off until 2012 when I met the man I’m married to now. He was very supportive. We’d take our medication at the same time; take turns getting the medication out and the water. I thought we had it good, but I recently found out he was cheating on me and I don’t take kindly to cheating so we in the process of getting a divorce. I will not be with a man who fails to love and respect me as a woman.